Last Day

Today is our last day in Vietnam. 3 weeks have flown by pretty quickly. Part of me is happy to be going home, part of me will miss this dirty, noisy country. I wish I could bottle up some of the smells and take it home with me so you guys can experience it too. Maybe if I just come over, pee in a corner, throw some dead fish in there for a week and then grill some tasty beef right next to it, you can sort of get the experience.

We went to Ben Thanh Market one last time so everyone can get last minute gifts. Again, I am lacking in the gift department. Good thing Anny has been picking up the slack. I don't know what I would do without her.

I couldn't find any bottles of fetal rat wine like I wanted. Apparently that's a Korean creation and hasn't made it's way down here yet. I doubt I'll find any at the Korean airport, but I'm going to try when we stop there.

I'll also be happy to experience high-speed internet again. It's a little slow here, but nothing god awful. I just use it to check my email and update my blog. I miss getting the updated news and all the movies and shows I could be watching. I guess I miss my friends a little too. Just a little though. lol.

See you guys on Thursday!

Floating Market

We headed out of Long Xuyen for Saigon today. Before we leave, we have to eat a traditional breakfast, call Bo Ne. Translated, it's Avoiding Beef. The reason it's called that is because they bring out the beef and egg combination on a sizzling skillet and you have to avoid getting hit by the splattering grease and oil. It's so yummy but very fattening and heavy. I can only eat it once per trip. Everyone seems to like it except Ho, who sits out because he's still not over his stomach problems. Mine has seem to settle pretty good and I think I'm back to normal with the rare occasional stomach pain. No biggie, that won't stop me.

We stop by Can Tho on the way back to Saigon. It's one of the biggest cities in the South next to Saigon. We get there and take a boat to get to the floating market. It's where farmers and vendors sell their products to each other and the occasional visitor. It's a pretty neat experience and seems pretty busy. Apparently it's even busier if we would have gotten there at like 6am. A little too early for us.

We get to Saigon a little after 3pm and basically hang around the house. We leave tomorrow and need some downtime before we have to head out tomorrow night.

It's been a while and it will be nice to be able to sleep in my own bed again. The beds here are rather hard and uncomfortable. That and I like all the pillows I got at home. It'll also be nice to be able to sleep naked again.

Amanda saw a roach in the room last night and freaked the hell out. She ran out of there screaming like a banshee. She did not sleep in the air conditioned room this night. I found it rather amusing since there were probably roaches in her alternate sleeping spot also. So now she was hot on top of having roaches. I just tried to keep my mouth closed when I slept so I wouldn't swallow one.

Cousin's Wedding

We wake up and Ho is still not feeling great. After feeling crappy last night, he decided to take the 5-pill concoction he was offered after dinner last night. He was hesitant, but when you're stuck, you take what you can get to feel better. He feels better.

We get dressed for my cousin's wedding and bring clothes with us to take off afterwards. It is hot as hell and all of us are sweating our asses off as we sit outside eating in front of a table top stove. We finish quickly and head off to Nui Cam (Forbidden Mountain).

I have been to Nui Cam before with Bill. There are a series of stairs and stone steps that take you to the top of the mountain. Last time we went, we only made it half way before giving up. Apparently it takes 4 hours of stair climbing to get to the top. In recent years, someone smart decided that they would build a mountain road where they could take the lazy tourists to the top without killing themselves. We are said tourists for the price of 45K dongs each ($3).

There is a giant statute of a Budda, a Pagoda, and a refreshing looking lake at the top. They took us there in some type of Chinese SUV, the PMC Pronto. Man, that thing is a piece of junk. Halfway up, he has to turn off the AC in order for the car to make it up the rest of the way.

We take our time up at the top and enjoy ourselves with drinks, snacks, and some hammock resting. We head back down in the same crappy SUV, but this time, with AC blowing all the way. We have a dinner of fried tofu, meatballs, and shredded beef and radish spring rolls.

Long Xuyen

We headed to Long Xuyen today. My cousin's wedding is in a couple of days so we have to be there by Sunday.

My dad sends a driver for us at 8am, so we don't have to rent a car or take a bus there. It's only ~170KM away, but with the slow speed limits and crappy roads, the usual travel time is 4 hours. The 6 of us pile into the Isuzu SUV and head off, with luggage being crammed into any space that is not being occupied by a human body. The trip is not the most comfortable of trips.

We arrive around noon after taking a ferry across one of the Mekong's estuaries. It's still early, so we grab a lunch and head off to Nui Sam (Sam Mountain). It's a rather tall mountain but we decide to work our way up the rocky stairs. About 1/3 of the way up, Ho's stomach starts to act up gain and he and Amanda have to sit it out. That leaves me, Anny, Joe, and Tit to work ourselves the rest of the way up. We take a water break and sit on some hammocks and enjoy the mountain breeze and a gorgeous view. We finally make it up to the top and are breathing heavy and sweating pretty hard. We thought we were bad off, until we saw a guy that was wet from head to toe and looked like he was having a heart attack. We took some pictures to prove we made it up and decided to hire some moped guys to take us down the mountain for 10K dongs (67¢) each. It was worth every penny.

We get back and have some dinner in front of my parents house. They bring over beef hotpot and we enjoy it by the canal with a few friends. Our friends being a swarm of mosquitoes. We all run back in pretty quickly to get our mosquito repellent. It seems to work pretty well and we finish dinner with them over our heads.

There are 2 rooms with AC. Sleeping anywhere else would require the person to use the fans and open the windows. No way in hell anyone is doing that with all the mosquitoes at dinner. We trade rooms with my parents, who have the bigger master bed room and all pile in there, 3 in the bed and 3 on the floor. Getting ready in the morning should be easier with 4 available bathrooms.

Owe...my stomach

The next two days are spent traveling back to Saigon. Ho and I somehow manage to catch the same bug. We got the chills, body aches, and diarrhea. It was a very long trip back.

Bad Massause!

Our next stop in in Quang Binh, a short jump to our destination of the Phong Nha Caverns.

We stay in our first 4-star hotel of the trip. It's very nice with contemporary furnishings. We hit up the massage parlour to see what this hotel has to offer. This time, everyone gets one. We go to the steam room, the sauna room, and then the massages. Afterwards, everyone has an interesting story to tell. Apparently Ho and Joe got molested by their masseuses. Hand were where they shouldn't be. Ho enjoyed it, Joe did not. I once again, had a regular massage. The girl did mention that I was one big bastard. I think she hurt herself trying to crack my back.

We get to the Phong Nha Caverns. They are a site to behold. The cavern system is huge and there's a lot to see. Most of the pictures don't show up too well because of the darkness. There was a couple that would not move for one of the shots I wanted to take, which really pissed me off. I spent the rest of the time trying to get into every shot they wanted to take. It was rather fun. I am evil like that, but then again, you all know that.

Da Nang - Hoi An - Hue

Again, a full day of travel. On they way we stop by the Tay Son Family historical home. I guess they are considered heroes to the Vietnamese people. I will have to read up on it more when I get back to the states.

We go to the ancient town of Hoi An. I can't really say too much about the ancient city because Joe was the only one that went to see it. All the girls wanted to shop on the streets, so Ho and I had to accompany them. Someone has to hold all the stuff they buy.

We travel on some crazy mountain roads. They seem perfect for drifting, until you see that one side is a mountain wall and the other side is a freakin' cliff to the ocean below. The small barriers don't seem like very much protection for our huge bus. Our driver passes everyone, everywhere. Uphill, downhill, around blind corners, nothing stops him. There are several moments we are scared for our lives.

We get to Hue in 1 piece and head out for our first taste of the city, real Bun Bo Hue. I had such high hopes for it but again, I was whelmed.

We take a cruise on the famous Huong (Perfume) River. I don't know what they are talking about, because I smell nothing that's even close to perfumes. The river is calm and we get to hear some traditional Hue music. Since my Vietnamese is weak and the Hue accent is really strong, I understand nothing.

We visit the Nguyen Imperial Palace the next day. It is what an imperial palace should look like, with a moat, high walls, and large throne room. It's hard to imagine that Vietnam had a king until 1945. The palace is young, compared to most people's imagination of what am Imperial Palace should be.

We also see a couple of the previous king's mausoleums. They are big and gaudy, but nothing really interesting happens there except I get the biggest coconut I have every seen. The thing is bigger than my head and garners laughter and pointing everywhere I go with it. Money well spent in my book.

Qui Nhon

It was another day of driving today. We stopped by a couple of nice beaches to relax here and there. It looks like we're driving up the whole coast of Vietnam, which is pretty nice. On one of the beaches, we went to where they were selling seafood and got mobbed by the vendors. They were the most aggressive we have seen so far. Some of them were fighting with each other over us, it was kind of funny. There were definitely some different seafood there. All sorts of shellfish were to be had. There were prawns the size of freakin' lobsters. I don't know how they get them so big.

We stopped by the grave of one of Vietnam's most famous poet, Han Mac Tu. I had no clue who he was, but Anny and Tit did, and they bought their parents a poem book.

Qui Nhon is a pretty small town and we were situated right next to the local college. This was helpful in that there was a lot of food and gift stores. On the street, Anny found a shirt with the Hollister symbol and BEBE written across the front. We had to get it. It still had it's tag on it, from Arizona Jean Company.

Back at the hotel, we got our first experience with the Vietnamese massages. Girls in short skirts giving massages, that's how it's done. I'm pretty sure "special" services could be requested. Ho and Joe both got non-incidental groin touches, I did not. It wasn't until we were leaving that we saw all the girl's pictures on the wall with what massage room they were in. It looked like a menu.

Nha Trang

The bus arrives at 5:30am to take us on our next tour, to the city of Hue, in the middle of Vietnam. We'll be making stops along the way. We are on a 30 person bus with 17 people. We'll be picking up some more people who traveled the first leg by airplane. It's a pretty grueling first day, but we get to Nha Trang, a pretty sea-side city. We leave our hotel and take a short walk towards the beach. We hang out there for a bit and enjoy the dark ocean breeze. We decide to get some cyclos to take us around town. They are basically modified bicycles with a seat up front that can barely hold 2 people, much less my fat-ass. We pay them 20K dongs ($1.25) for a 30 minute ride around town and back to the hotel. I feel a little bad for the guys pedaling us, until I see Ho's guy pedaling with 1 foot and smoking a cigarette at the same time. I don't feel bad anymore.

Our tour guide tells us that there's a group of blind masseuses that are very good, so we decide to give it a shot. We see 5 (Tit does not want one) of them walking into the hotel, being led by the one that can see blurry objects. We talk to them for a bit and apparently they were trained in Hanoi. I think mine was trained in the art of torture. It starts hurting from the minute he starts. I swear he has bony nubs where his palms should be. His thumbs must have been solid stone, because I'm dying. He asks me if it hurts and of course I say no. No way I'm letting a blind masseuse get the best of me, but he does anyways. Do Indian burns count as a massage technique? After about an hour of biting my teeth, my session in pain is over. He asks to borrow the bathroom and I lead him there. He washes his hands in the sink, and then proceeds to feel around for the toilet. No good can come of this. He takes his pants and starts to pee, only some of it actually hitting it's mark. The rest go everywhere but. At this point, I think the guy is fucking with me, but there's no way to be sure. Anny yells at me for making fun of the guy because he's blind, but come on now. He's not deaf. He can clearly hear if he's hitting the toilet or not. Good thing we are only in this hotel for the night.

Ear Cleaning

This is a down day from all of our travels. A chance to just sit back and relax and breath in the smog-filled air of Saigon. We start they day off with a cup of coffee, one of 5 for the day. I decide to get a haircut with all the fixin's. All this for 20K dongs ($1.25). Apparently all the fixin's means something a little different here. They cut my hair, give me a shave, head massage, face mask, and the best part, the ear cleaning. They use a series of delicate instruments to remove your ear wax. It sounds scary, but it's the best feeling in the world. In terms you can all understand, I would say it feels as good as getting head. No joke. Amanda decides to brave it after hearing our discussions. She really enjoys it, as evident by Ho's video of her toes curling up during the process. She will be doing it again.


Anny's mom throws us an informal dinner gathering, as a way for the family to meet their newest member, me. It's kind of awkward and feels like a formal wedding reception. It goes by and we head out to a nice coffee shop afterwards. Everyone has coffee or ice cream except for Joe and Tit, who decide to venture into the land of alcohol. Being only 80-something pounds, it doesn't take much for Tit to get fucked up. She's pretty much blitzed after her 2nd black russian. We head back home to sleep while Tit is hugging the toilet the rest of the night.

Last Day in Bangkok

It is our last day in Thailand. We find out that we got several hours until we have to meet up for the trip home. We do not go with the group to Lotus, which sees like a glorified supermarket/department store. We decide to take the Sky Train, which Joe has been mentioning the whole time. This makes him very happy. Somehow, the experience is not how he envisioned in his mind. It's basically a subway car that rides on rails above the city. Nothing too impressive. Basically, we are whelmed.

The Sky Train takes us to our next point, the Penis Shrine. It all started out as a regular shrine, but I guess along the way, someone asked for a baby and got one. They were so happy that they brought back a wooden penis to show their appreciation. This lead to more penises (peni?) until the shrine became the Penis Shrine. There are hundreds, if not thousands of wooden phallic symbols everywhere. We take some time to get some pictures of us in compromising poses. As we leave, we see a gay couple come up and start praying. Somehow, I don't think their prayers are going to be answered so easily.


We take a short flight back to Saigon. Everyone seems full of energy so we decide to try out one of Saigon's dance clubs, Gossip. Price of admission is $10US, kind of steep, but worth the experience. We can tell it's a different environment right away. Everyone is shaking our hands as we walk in, and I mean everyone. It's like a red carpet entrance. It doesn't stop there. We are escorted to a balcony table where they serve us drinks. Our glasses are never empty or lacking in ice at any point. We hit the dance floor and are escorted through the crowds by security. They have more security per square foot than I have seen anywhere in my life. I count no less then 4 guys, just around the dance floor. I soon realize this is my type of club. People here dance like fools, so I blend right in. If I jump up and down with my arms by my side, no one would even notice me. I guess guys dancing with other guys is normal, because we see that a whole lot. I wish we could have taken some pictures, but like many of the other places we have been, we are not allowed to take any pictures. We leave and again, are escorted out by a slew of handshakes and smiles. It makes spending all that money seem worth it for the VIP treatment.